here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
we should paint friendship bongs
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
