so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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