Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
