And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
