I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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