i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize