There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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