Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
