We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
