oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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