I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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