Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i believe in u and ur pee
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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