Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
