Say something about gay babies.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
