Please don't use social media to get back at me.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
