He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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