Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
