i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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