She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
