just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
