this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
