he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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