i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
