Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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