This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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