It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
