I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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