State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
