Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize