Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize