i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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