i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
