she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
