He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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