Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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