I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
MIDGETS
????
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
