Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
