they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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