Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
