Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
