is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
