I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
