I have demons in me.
I can text with my tongue
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
