i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
