my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And then he peed in my hair
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