so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was born a porn star she said
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
