my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
