i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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