When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
