you mean i was at the winter classic?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
