god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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