Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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