Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
