you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
