Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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