Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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