i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have tasted many bathrooms
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
