dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he puts the penis in happiness.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
