I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
