Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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