I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
