I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
