i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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