I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
