i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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