He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
