A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
