Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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