My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
