the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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