i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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