the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
this is an emotional support booty call
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize