Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
