I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize