genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
