i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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