dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
