I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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