guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
