In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
