Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
