woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
