im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my being single is dangerous.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
