You can't special order awesome
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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