your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
