Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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