I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
