thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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