i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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