Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
