if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
