i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
