Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
