i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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