its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize