it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
