I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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