Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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