i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
