Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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