I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
