I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Enjoy the penises
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
