Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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