and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
