so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize