At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
