Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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