you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
