great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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