So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Holy sore nipples Batman
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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