Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
