My liver just broke up with me...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
