she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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