I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
