you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
