so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
