so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
This toilet bowl is my home.
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