I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize