I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
