my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
