Your tits are I can't wait for
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dicks are not precious.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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